


Daichi and Koushi's Excellent Dickventure

by kalien52



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Yikes, also suga the dick pic critic, basically its just, daichi screams a lot, everyone sends daichi dick pics, high schoolers sending dick pics yk, tagged underage bc well, thats it, uh im sorry this is such a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 22:17:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8303255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalien52/pseuds/kalien52
Summary: Daichi isn't entirely sure why six people started sending him dick pics on a regular basis, but Koushi doesn't help him much.





	

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT. This abomination was born via a conversation on twitter between my [main squeeze](http://twitter.com/ZORATHIANS) and I. Thanks for the title buddy pal. It started with [this](http://w1zrad-art.tumblr.com/post/144523465135/he-wont-be-bothering-you-anymore-thats-what) fantastic art. 
> 
> It spun out of control; I'm so sorry you had to see this.

Daichi’s not even sure how he’d gotten himself into this mess, what he’d done to deserve this. If he had to, he’d guess things started back at the training camp in Tokyo when the other captains, or Bokuto and Kuroo, really, had approached him and asked to exchange numbers. He didn’t think anything of it at the time; Hinata had Kenma’s number. He supposed it wouldn’t be too bad to be able to keep in touch with the other captains. Karasuno had left the training camp, and Daichi hadn’t thought anything else of it. In hindsight, Daichi supposed he shouldn’t really have been all that surprised when he received the first photo from the Nekoma captain. 

Still, he can’t help the indignant squawk that leaves his mouth when he opens the message. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it definitely had not been a photo of the other’s dick. He nearly throws his phone across the locker room, but thinks better of it. The last thing he needs is someone else walking in and picking it up with the photo still open on his phone. Koushi chooses that exact moment to enter the room and immediately notices Daichi staring at his phone, face contorted into a look of horror.

“Are you alright, Daichi?” The setter asks him, concern lacing his tone. Daichi’s head whips around to face the other male, and he’s appalled when he realizes he’s approaching him. Before he can think to pocket his phone, Koushi’s snatched it right out of his hand. He lets out a whistle and then chuckles, and Daichi contemplates how hard he would need to slam his head into the wall to knock himself out. A light tapping brings him out of his reverie.

“Are you texting him back?” Daichi is pretty sure he’s going to have an aneurysm. Koushi only hums.

“Oh? You have another one?” Koushi sounds entirely too pleased for Daichi’s liking. “From Bokuto-san? Daichi, just what have you been keeping from me?” Daichi outright shrieks. Why is this happening to him? What are they doing? 

He looks at Koushi, dismayed to see him texting again. “What are you doing?” Daichi can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed about the way his voice comes out as a whine.

“Giving them pointers,” Koushi shrugs before handing his phone back to him and dragging him out of the locker room with him. 

\-------------

By the time the Spring Interhigh has rolled around, Daichi and Koushi have formed a system. Kuroo and Bokuto have not stopped sending the photos, and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. He’s not even entirely sure why they started in the first place. When the messages come in, he simply hands his phone to Koushi, who makes completely unnecessary comments because Daichi definitely does not have any interest in the fact that Kuroo’s better at angles but Bokuto’s better at lighting. He does not care.

Koushi always texts the two back, but Daichi never reads the messages. He can’t bring himself to. He still doesn’t completely believe this is actually happening in the first place. When a few other captains approach him and begin conversation with him, Daichi momentarily forgets about his perplexing situation. However, when one of them, a second year from Johzenji High, asks for his number with a glint in his eyes, Daichi grows a bit weary. The other captains are immediately enthusiastic about trading phone numbers and Daichi caves, giving his number out to his new acquaintances only slightly reluctantly. He figures, if nothing else, there aren’t very many opportunities for any of them to send promiscuous photos in the middle of a tournament, right?

By the time they’re heading home at the end of the day and Daichi has time to look at his phone, or has the courage to that is, he sees several unopened messages. A few of them were harmless congratulatory messages, and there were some asking how he was doing after the collision he and Tanaka had on the court earlier in the day. Daichi actually takes the time to reply to those. He sees there are some images and doesn’t even bother to open them himself, immediately handing his phone to Koushi. The other male simply hums and scrolls through the names, an eyebrow raised.

“Isn’t Terushima Yuuji the captain from Johzenji High? Futakuchi Kenji from Date Tech? How many do you plan to collect, Daichi?” Koushi looks impressed, and Daichi tries his best to keep his blood pressure down.

“I was cornered,” is all he offers as explanation. Koushi shrugs and continues his business on Daichi’s phone. He hears Koushi hum, and he dreads the impending commentary.

“You know, Futakuchi’s is quite..how should I put this? How often do you think he sends these out? He seems to know what he’s doing; I’m impressed.” Daichi raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to see?” Koushi looks at him with that glint in his eyes that he gets when he’s teasing the first years or Asahi.

Daichi grits his teeth. “No.”

Koushi shrugs, “Suit yourself. Ah, Terushima’s is quite good too! Maybe they’re out to impress you, hmm Daichi?” Daichi seriously considers whether or not he’d be able to get out the window of the bus before anyone was able to stop him. Koushi sends replies to the two second-year captains and hands his phone back.

Three days later, Daichi gets a message from an unknown number. He’s mildly concerned at his own lack of surprise or reaction to yet another photo of a dick. At the moment, he’s less worried about that and more worried about who this could be. He sends a quick reply to the person asking for an identity to which he’s only answered with “Guess~”. Koushi walks in as Daichi yelps and drops his phone.

“Who this time?” He asks.

“I think it’s Shiratorizawa’s middle blocker,” Daichi replies, sounding utterly distraught.

“You think?” Koushi sounds amused, and Daichi really doesn’t see how any of this is even remotely funny. He picks up Daichi’s phone and reads the messages. “Well, only one way to find out,” he sings as he begins typing out a response. Daichi lets out a screech and lunges for him. Koushi easily dodges him and giggles, never taking his eyes off Daichi’s phone. “He says, ‘Good instinct,’ now, let’s see this picture.”

Daichi hates how much Koushi enjoys all of this. “Wow, not bad. I think Bokuto has him beat, though. His photography skills have really been improving lately.”

Daichi wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

\-------------

Daichi is over at Koushi’s house studying when this whole scandal takes a turn for the worse,which he hadn't even thought possible. Daichi’s phone lights up, and seeing that it’s from Tanaka, he opens it without a second thought. He immediately chokes on his own saliva. Koushi simply cracks a joke about him receiving another photo without looking up from his book. When Daichi does not stop choking, Koushi turns to him with concern and looks to his phone. He looks at the message, the sender, and immediately cackles. Daichi wishes for death. The only solace he’s granted is when Koushi walks up to Tanaka at practice the next day and gives his usual critique of the photos Daichi receives in person rather than via text message. Tanaka looks like he’s going to faint knowing that Koushi had also seen a photo of his dick, and Daichi feels a smug sense of satisfaction.

Their bizarre routine continues for another month without much development. Tanaka hadn’t sent any photos after the first one. However, Kuroo, Bokuto, Futakuchi, Terushima, and Tendou had all continued to send him photos on a regular basis. Koushi had developed a point system based on “overall composition” of the photos that he used to rank everyone on a pretty much weekly basis. Daichi’s resigned himself to a life of hell centered around photos of his peers’ dicks.

Koushi and Daichi are eating when Daichi’s phone buzzes and alerts him of a message from Oikawa Tooru. Daichi’s a bit confused but opens the message anyway, not once considering he would take part in this. Before he even has time to process what’s happening, another message comes in. Daichi looks at the two photos, the first a photo of Oikawa’s dick, the second a selfie captioned _Did you like the photo, Dai-chan~?_ and promptly chokes on his food. He launches his phone across the table at Koushi and decides he’s absolutely done with this.

Koushi, startled by the technology thrown into his lap, finally looks at the messages. Upon examining them, his face lights up, and a wicked grin spreads across his face. “He’s very good at this, you know. I can’t find a reason to dock him for points anywhere actually.”

Daichi slams his head on the table. He peeks up to see Koushi typing for a bit on his phone before returning it to him, messages still open. Daichi’s disturbed to see a group chat open, having just been created by Koushi, with one message in it that says, “Oikawa-san’s was the best; you should all consider stepping up your game.” When Daichi’s phone starts buzzing incessantly, he pushes it at Koushi without even looking at it again.

“Keep it,” his voice sounds hollow, but he only continues to rest his head on the table. Koushi lets out a gleeful chuckle. Daichi doesn’t think this will ever end.

\-------------

After Koushi had implied that there was some sort of competition happening, the volume of photos Daichi received increased rapidly. He was getting them on a daily basis at this point, and in Oikawa’s case they were always accompanied by a selfie. That warranted bonus points from Koushi.

“It’s like he doesn’t have any bad angles,” Koushi sounded awed, and Daichi wondered if he was imagining it.

He tries not to think about the situation too much for the rest of the day until he’s in the locker room after practice and his phone lights up. He opens the photo, fully prepared to inform Koushi that he’ll need to update his current ranks when he realized who the message is from. Daichi’s sure his face is red, but that doesn’t stop him from screaming Koushi’s name loud enough for it to echo in the empty space. He stands in the middle of the room fuming for a few moments before an idea strikes him. He adds Koushi to the group chat and forwards the male’s photo to it.

He leaves the locker room feeling accomplished for taking some initiative in this ridiculous situation until he notices all of the notifications on his phone. He opens his messages and is overcome with dread when he sees the awed responses to Koushi’s photo. Koushi’s reply is smug, and Daichi wonders what he’s done to deserve this.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this, I'm sorry.  
> Unless you're Tyson. In which case, thanks for the encouragement and inspiration and being the Koushi to my Daichi during this dickventure.


End file.
